Love's Executioner (book)

December 2024

Recommended! It's a non-fiction book written by a therapist, one chapter per case. It is very good if you are interested in the subject.

It is striking how much of the therapist's work is simply managing their own emotions towards the client. He dislikes them, is bored by them, is attracted to them, etc. And most of his blunders come from subconsciously acting on those feelings. For example, failing to show sufficient interest to clients he finds boring, showing off to clients he finds attractive, etc. Therapists call those emotions "countertransference" (the client's emotions for the therapists are "transference").

Reflecting on it, countertransference is always present in regular conversation. Whenever I generate unnecessary problems, it's because I fail to regulate my emotions towards the subject or the other person. As I get older and more self-aware, I can track blunders more easily to unaddressed or under-the-surface emotion. I am not sure the book directly helps with that flavor of self-awareness but at least it illustrates the point super well.


Thank you Rinad for the recommendation!